Have you become a back pocket Boyfriend (or Girlfriend)?

Imagine that you’ve been in a relationship with your significant other for nearly a year. She’s an amazing person that has never left your mind since the day you met her. But the spark doesn’t seem to be there anymore. She’s growing distant. Communicating with her is a lot more difficult than it used to be. You noticed that she’s talking more about this guy from work. A guy that she swears is only a friend. But she smiles every time she gets a text from him. It almost feels like she’s more willing to text him than she is to have a conversation with you.

Eventually she mentions that she’s going to hang out with him. She insists that it’s just two friends getting coffee together. But to you, it looks very similar to a date. What makes it worse is that she initiated these plans, it was her idea not his. And right before she leaves to go see him, she lets you know that she hasn’t told him about you yet.

You have now just become a Back Pocket Boyfriend.

What is a back pocket relationship?

You become a back pocket boyfriend when your significant other is actively, but often discreetly, looking for another potential boyfriend while still in a relationship with you.

Usually, you’ll start to notice changes in your relationship. One thing you might see is your significant other going through the motions of a stereotypical relationship without any of the feelings or infatuation that she used to have at the beginning. Another potential situation you might see is a “Relationship in Name Only”. This is where your relationship has evolved to the point where you’re no longer doing anything that you would normally see in a close relationship, for example not spending any free time with each other, or no longer getting each other gifts.

For many possible reasons, your girlfriend doesn’t want to be single, so she makes sure that she’s nearly secure in another relationship before she ends the relationship with you. While still being able to “pull you out of her back pocket” encase she doesn’t find anyone else. In extreme cases this leads to physical cheating, but most of the time it ends with what’s now known as “Emotional Cheating” before she decides to move on.

So why does this happen and what should you do about it?

Well, it simply boils down to your significant other being insecure with the idea of being single. It’s probably nothing that you have done. But for some reason she’s lost feelings for you… or more likely, the feelings were never truly there in the first place. Many people enter into relationships for the wrong reasons. She thinks that she can find that spark in someone else that she no longer has for you.

Here’s what you do about it; if your relationship has gotten to the point where you have become a back pocket boyfriend, the best course of action is to just end the relationship. You don’t deserve to be tied down to someone who doesn’t have feelings for you. You don’t deserve to be used just so someone can satisfy an insecurity.

If it hasn’t gotten to the point where you are in the back pocket, but you’ve started seeing signs that your relationship is heading in that direction, have a discussion with them. Like most relationship advice, communication is key. Talk about how you’ve noticed the spark has started to disappear. Ask if she still has feelings. Ask if the relationship can continue. Discussions always make it easier to figure out the future of a relationship.